


Wavy Black Mane

by tinydancer45



Series: The Undercover Times of a Detective [3]
Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Action, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Drama, F/M, Minor Violence, Tragic Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-27
Updated: 2017-07-28
Packaged: 2018-12-07 14:35:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 12,553
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11625606
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tinydancer45/pseuds/tinydancer45
Summary: After a devastating discovery, Gwen and Mike could possibly see the end of their relationship come sooner then expected.





	1. Chapter 1

"Yes. Yes." Gwen began writhing under the covers. Her head fell back onto her pillow fully enjoying every second of pleasure.

"You like that, baby?" Mike said smirking at Gwen underneath him.

"Oh yeah. I do. Keep going." Gwen grabbed Mike's face kissing him deeply. He continued thrusting into her, only to be interrupted by a cell phone ringing. "No, baby. Don't answer it." Mike said breathlessly.

Gwen rolled her eyes at Mike and reached over to answer her phone. "DeSantini." Gwen motioned for Mike to slip out of her. "Um. Yeah. I'll be there as soon as possible." She hung up the phone and looked over at Mike. "Duty calls." She kissed him on the cheek and walked over to their closet putting on some clothes.

"Baby, what is it?" He asked.

"Liv called. She said it's important."

"Then why didn't she call me?" Mike asked opening his phone to see if he missed calls. "Oh. She did try to call me."

Gwen chuckled. "Your phone was on silent."

"I was a little busy." Mike walked up to Gwen and began undressing the clothes she put on. "Baby, Liv can wait a couple more minutes. Then we'll go in together, but I just can't go to work and look a you and not be distracted." 

"Maybe it'll be a little fun." Gwen winked at him and gently pushed his hands away from her. "Better start dressing, Sergeant." She walked out of the room, leaving Mike speechless.

***

"You know when we get home, the things I'm going to do to you." Mike huskily whispered in Gwen's ear. 

Shivers went down her back as they walked into Benson's office. "What's going on?" She asked noticing Chief Dodds and Barba in the room.

"Close the door, Sergeant." Chief said to Mike. He nodded and closed the door.

"Your uncle escaped from prison." Benson said.

"Um. How?" Gwen asked sitting down in a chair.

"The CO's helped him. He paid them off." Barba interjected.

"What's the plan?" Gwen asked looking around her.

"We need to move you immediately. You're in danger." Benson replied sitting behind her desk.

"Where am I going?"

"Right now there's a shelter in White Plains you can stay at. But there's a catch."

After a brief moment of silence, Gwen looked away from Benson's eyesight. "I'm going undercover aren't I?"

The room got silent. 

"Okay. What's my cover story?" Gwen finally asked Benson.

Benson handed her a file. "You're name is Stacey Langly. Your husband who abused you is out on bail and you're scared for your life. You ran away to the shelter because it was the closet thing you could find. You're originally from Vermont and you got to New York by bus then by train. After you got off the train, you were robbed. You hitch hiked to get to the shelter and a man that drove you assaulted you every night. You have a serious cocaine problem and you are currently in withdraw. That's about it. Think you can do it?" Benson asked her.

Gwen closed the file and nodded her head. "When do I leave?"

The room once more grew silent.

"Tonight." Barba said.

"No. She can't leave tonight." Mike worriedly interrupted. 

"Mike." Chief sternly looked at him.

"This is for the best. We'll give you two a chance to say goodbye. Gwen the clothes you're going to wear are in the bunk room. Also you don't mind a haircut do you?" 

"Whatever I need to do. How long am I going to be there?" 

"Until we catch him. I don't know how long it will take. This isn't us anymore. FBI and Interpool are working on it and are keeping us in the loop. When he's in custody, we'll get you immediately." Benson motioned for everyone to leave the room allowing Mike and Gwen their goodbye. 

"I guess I won't be with you for a while." Mike said resting his head on Gwen's shoulder. She looked at him then smiled. 

"What are you thinking, baby?" 

"Follow me." Gwen led Mike into the empty interrogation room.

"Here?"

"You got any better ideas?" She teased. 

Mike shook his head and picked up Gwen and put her on the table. He slowly opened her legs feeling her wetness. "Mhmm. That all for me?" Gwen nodded her head pulling Mike's face to hers. She licked his bottom lip and he opened his mouth slightly to embrace her kiss. His hands unbuttoned his shirt allowing his muscles to show. Gwen placed her hands on his upper chest and moaned into the kiss. Mike then unbuttoned her shirt feeling her chest in his hands. "I'm going to miss your body." He gently leaned her down on the table. "You ready?" He purred into Gwen's ear. She moaned a small 'yes'. At that moment, Mike slide off her underwear and put a finger inside her. While he was slowing pumping back and forth into her, he unzipped his pants. "I want you. Now." Gwen growled. Mike responded by gently thrusting into her. His head fell back as he deeply thrusted into Gwen. "Baby look at me." She sweetly asked. Mike got closer to her. They locked eyes and he could feel himself about to explode. "Baby, I'm ready." Gwen breathlessly said wrapping her arms around Mikes' neck pulling him even deeper into her. "God, I love you." "I love you too." They rode out their climax until Gwen was pulsing around Mike. He slowly slid out of her and tucked himself back into his pants. He picked up Gwen's underwear and cleaned off the dust. "Here, baby." He slide them back onto her winding up face to face. "Gwen, I'm scared shitless for you to go back under." Mike said holding onto Gwen's waist.

"Mike. I'll be okay. I'll be out of the city. Don't worry about me." She responded rubbing his cheek.

"Yeah, but this time I won't be able to keep in contact with you. Last time you went under, we lost someone. I can't lose you too."

Gwen took a deep breath. "That was a while ago. Everything will work out, okay? I'll be back before you know it." She kissed his lips softly. "Now, I have to get ready my love. Just know everyday I'll be thinking of you." She placed a hand on his heart.

"I'll help you down." Mike picked up Gwen and placed her off of the table. "I will say that was a fantasy fulfilled."

"Maybe next time you can wear your uniform." Gwen giggled holding Mike's hand. 

Mike opened the door and retreated back to Benson's office. 

"Um. Hi, everyone." Mike hesitantly said. 

"Lovely. Just lovely." Barba shook his head at Benson.

"We were just checking to see if you guys were done saying goodbye." Benson professionally said.

"I'm just gonna pretend I saw and heard none of that." Barba walked out of Benson's office.

"Okay, Gwen. Ready?"

Gwen shook her head and let go of Mike's hand as she was led out of the office.

"So son. That's what you do in your spare time?" Chief asked his son.

"Dammit dad. You saw that too?"

"Unfortunately yes. But we need to talk."

"I'm not leaving Gwen." 

"I wasn't gonna say that. Sit, Mike."

Mike sat down in one of Benson's chairs looking at his father. "What is it dad?"

"Are you gonna transfer to Joint Terrorism?"

"Dad.."

"Listen, there's a training coming up. You should go. It'll give you an idea of what it's like and you may like it. Also there's nothing holding you here at the moment. Gwen is going back undercover for her protection."

Mike took a deep breath. "Where is the training?"

"Quantico. Far away from New York. You'll be safe. So will Gwen."

"Okay, dad. I'll go."

"Good. Your plane leaves tomorrow. Be at the airport at 6 a.m. and ask for Ryan. He'll walk you right through." Chief nodded his head and left the office.

Mike followed him outside of the office and into the bullpen.

"You okay, Sarge?" Sonny asked.

"Yeah. Just a lot going on."

"Good things?"

"Yeah maybe." Mike looked over as Gwen was leaving the bunk room. "You look like an entirely different person."

Gwen was now sporting a shoulder length bob with a mixture of auburn and blonde hair. She had on a skirt with ripped tights underneath and a mens' t shirt with a brown sweater. "Yup. I'm Stacey Langly. Nice to meet you." Gwen said with a heavy Vermont accent. 

"Be careful, please."

"I love you too." Benson motioned for a uniform to take Gwen out of the precinct.

"Is she gonna die there?"

"Listen the facility knows she's there undercover. The other residents don't. It's a lock in facility. She'll be safe and you'll be in another state. Don't worry. Any updates and we'll get them to you. Okay?" Benson comforted Mike.

He took a deep breath and nodded his head before heading out of the precinct. "One more thing, Lieutenant."

Benson nodded her head.

"Catch the son of a bitch." Mike headed out of the precinct.

"Will do, Mike. Will do." 


	2. Chapter 2

"Anyone have questions?" The instructor asked. "Okay, if there are no questions were done for today's lecture. Great job today, everyone." He finished closing the power point.

Mike closed his notebook looking over at the clock. "6 p.m." He whispered to himself.

"What about 6 p.m?" A voice asked him.

He turned around to see Ryan standing next to him. "Oh nothing. It's just. That was the time I'd hear from my girlfriend when she was undercover at one point." Mike stood up collecting his things. 

"Ah. The IAB detective? Your dad likes her."

"At first she wasn't his favorite. He grew to like her." Mike chuckled.

"What does she look like?"

Mike opened his phone and showed Ryan a picture of them. "She wanted to adopt a puppy, but neither of us had the time to train him." He smiled looking at the picture of Gwen holding a small pug in her hands. "She started to cry when she held him. It was adorable." Mike locked his phone and put it back in his pocket.

"You wanna get drinks with us tonight?" Ryan asked him.

"Nah. I'm tired and not really in the mood for a drink." Mike said pushing passed Ryan. 

"Hey, Mike."

"Yeah?" He turned towards Ryan.

"You love her?"

Mike smiled. "Yeah. With all my heart."

Ryan let out a sigh walking closer to Mike. "You wanna see her?"

Mike's eyes widened. "What are you saying?"

"Say we could possibly hack into the computer system and you could possibly hypothetically see her from a security camera."

He nodded his head at Ryan. 

"Follow me." Ryan motioned for Mike to trail behind him. He led him to a small computer room. "This never happened, okay?"

Mike nodded once more.

"Pull up camera four please to computer number 23." Ryan said out loud. "There she is. She's currently in therapy." He pointed towards the cut screen. "Also there's access to her sleeping quarters and activity center. No sound of course. That's all I can do."

"She looks so.. different."

"Still love her?"

"I always will. She's my life. My everything. I wish I could hold her."

"One day. I wasn't supposed to show you any of this. Now back to your room, Mike."

Mike took a deep breath and left the small computer room.

"Sir does he not know of her mission?" A techie asked Ryan.

"No. No he does not. We can't tell him at all. Remember need to know basis."

"Yes, sir."

"Do we have anything on the men working there?" Ryan asked the techie.

"One man. His name is Reggio DeAngelo."

Ryan picked up a list of names. He leaned closer to the techie's computer. "He's going after her."

He walked over to the larger screen. "And she's gonna set him up. Call SVU. She was not authorized to go after her uncle."

"Yes sir."

***

"I hear you loud and clear, Chief. Yep. Okay." Benson hung up her phone. "Carisi, Fin, Rollins. My office please."

The trio of detectives looked at each other and headed into Benson's office. Fin closed the door behind them. "What's up, Liv?"

"We have a problem." Benson said getting up from her chair.

"Gwen?" Rollins asked.

"Apparently Reggio is working at the facility we sent her to." Benson replied.

"Wait, but didn't JTTF say that there was possible terrorist activity starting there." Carisi asked.

"Gwen was the one who told them of that. They hacked into her computer and she sent the anonymous terrorist threat."

"So Gwen is at the same facility her uncle is at." Fin interjected.

"Are we gonna pull her out of there?" Carisi asked. 

"JTTF agents are gonna raid the place. Pull her out of there."

"What do you need from us?"

"Find out how Gwen found out about her uncle escaping from prison." Benson said sitting at her desk.

"Does Mike know?" Fin asked after Carisi and Amanda left the office.

"He has no idea." 

"Little miracles huh." 

"She played us Fin."

"What's gonna happen when we get her out of there?"

"I have no idea, Fin. Not a clue."

Fin raised his eyebrows leaving the office. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> flashback

_"Hey, what are you working on?" Mike asked Gwen kissing her forehead._

_"Just some standard paperwork. It sucks being home and not doing anything. I miss being out in the field working."_

_"I know, my love. Tucker said another two weeks and you'll be back to interrogating cops."_

_"You got that right." She laughed at Mike. He walked into the kitchen and began to make a cup of coffee._

_Gwen's eyes followed him as she quickly changed the tabs on her laptop. She opened up an email._

**_Dear Detective Gwen DeSantini,_ **

**_After reviewing your application and discussing it with your current boss, Captain Ed Tucker, we believe you'll be an excellent addition to this team. We are also  aware that this would be a one time add on. Your request to be on this team and work from home before returning to your current unit would helps us dearly. The current file has been sent to you through attachments. Please read through the file closely and add any thoughts you have. I look forward to your next email._ **

**_Captain Ryan_ ** **_Carlisle_ **

_Gwen once more looked up at the kitchen to see Mike making a sandwich. "I hope you're making me food." She said out loud. Hearing his slight grunt allowed her more time to respond to Ryan._

**_Dear Captain Ryan Carlisle,_ **

**_Thank you for sending me the file and adding me onto the team. I appreciate this opportunity and will look into the facility mentioned from the file and see if any names pop up or click._ **

**_Detective Gwen DeSantini._ **

_She hit send just as Mike walked back into the bedroom. "Aw you are too kind to feed me." Gwen closed her laptop and placed it on her night stand._

_Mike handed her the sandwich. "You never have your laptop next your bed?" He sat next to her puzzled._

_"It's nothing. Paper work is a killer. I can't wait to go back into the field."_

_"Wait paperwork on a laptop?"_

_"The files were sent digitally. It's easier to print it out first then attach it to the physical file later." She began to eat the sandwich. "Yummy."_

_"You okay? Something seems off."_

_"Mike. Eat you sandwich, love." He nodded and bit down into the sandwich._

_They sat there in silence until they both finished eating. "Well, that was yummy. I'll put your plate in the sink, okay?" Gwen took his plate and walked into the kitchen. "Hey there's a bit of a mess out here. I'm gonna do some cleaning." She yelled back into the room._

_"Okay honey." Mike leaned over and opened her laptop. He clicked on the tab and saw the quick email exchange between her and Ryan._

_"Should I use the old soap.. Mike what are you doing?" Gwen slammed the computer shut and put it back on her night stand._

_"Gwen. What is going on. Talk to me." He stood up._

_"I can't. It's need to know." She responded._

_"Don't lie to me. Please. What is going on? You've been very aloof the past week and that is not who you are. Just talk to me."_

_They shared more silence before Gwen said, "I'm on an assignment for Joint Terrorism. Since I'm home for the next two weeks I needed something to do before I go back to work. I'm just looking into a facility for them that supposedly is connected with a homegrown terrorist organization, but I can't say anything more."_

_"Why didn't you just tell me?"_

_"Because I knew you'd be mad at me for accepting an offer from JTTF when I asked you not to take an offer."_

_"You think I'd be mad at you because of a career choice?"_

_"Well, yeah. Maybe."_

_"You're unbelievable." Mike stormed out of the room._

_"Excuse me." Gwen followed after him._

_"You think I honestly care about what career choices you make? Gwen what you decide to do with your career has always been up to you. I'm not jealous of it. I trust you. I can't believe you would honestly think I wouldn't be happy for you or support you because I didn't take their offer."_

_"Mike. Please."_

_"No don't Mike please me. I'm very upset with you. You hurt me Gwen. I thought you were better then hiding things from me."_

_Before Gwen could respond, her computer dinged. She looked behind her then back at Mike._

_"Go. They need you. We'll have this conversation when you're ready to accept that my career isn't my top priority. I'm going into the office to do some actual paperwork. I love you." Mike kissed her forehead before grabbing his jacket and his briefcase. "Even though you hurt me Gwen, I love you so very much. I just hope you'll realize that you're my top priority." He closed the door behind him._

_Gwen took a deep breath. She shook her head and opened the door following after Mike. "Wait."_

_Mike stopped in his tracks. "What."_

_Gwen ran up to him and threw her arms around him. "I'm sorry." She looked him in the eyes and could see the tears forming in his._

_"Jesus Christ Gwen. What are you doing to me." He dropped his briefcase and hugged her back. He let go of her to grab onto his briefcase again._

_"Please, forgive me."_

_"I already have."  He wrapped his arms around her waist and led her back into the apartment._

_"Wait don't you have work?"_

_"Nah. I just wanted to see what your priority was."_

_"You tested me."_

_"You did the same thing to me when you found the transfer papers. Remember you walked out of the precinct. Tore the apartment apart and hoped I would follow you home. I did the same thing minus the tearing up the apartment." He chuckled to himself. "So Joint Task Terrorism Force huh?"_

_"They needed some fresh eyes for an anonymous tip they received."_

_"How did you get in contact with them?"_

_"Ryan is an old friend of mine. I emailed him and told him I'd be home for a couple of weeks so if they needed to add someone onto their team for an active case I'd take a look. He made me send in an application, but I knew they would accept it."_

_"Ah. An old friend."_

_"Once, Mike. It was a drunk mistake."_

_"Hey, whatever you did before meeting me doesn't matter." He put his hands up and smiled._

_"Glad you're not jealous." She winked at him. Her phone began to rang. "Detective DeSantini. Oh hello Ryan. No flirting, behave my boyfriend is in the room. I don't want him to find out about my secret affair." Gwen giggled into the phone._

_Mike shot her a look and walked over to a drawer._

_"I'll look into the file later. I'm in the middle of something currently and my hands won't be free for long." She looked up and Mike was swinging his handcuffs near her._

_"Talk to you soon, Captain. Bye bye." She hung up on the phone and put it on the night stand._

_"What are those for?" She seductively asked Mike._

_"They're for naughty girls." Mike purred into her ear putting on the handcuffs._

_"Arrest me office. I've been a very bad girl."_

_Mike got on top of her and started to kiss her neck._


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning: mentions of physical abuse, sexual assault

"Where are we with TARU?" Benson asked her squad.

"Well, they said whoever sent that anonymous email wasn't Gwen." Carisi said.

"Explain."

"TARU said before JTTF found the supposed email someone had changed the IP address to her apartment so it would seem like she sent it."

"Then who sent it?"

"TARU is still working through it. They took Gwen's laptop to computer crimes and see if they can find anything."

"Okay so someone is setting up Gwen? Is it the uncle?"

"I don't think so, Liv." Rollins added. "I looked into his background and the day before he escaped someone came to visit him."

"Who?"

"All it says on the visitors log is Special Agent."

"Okay so someone went to visit the uncle and then he escapes the next day. We've been looking at this all wrong."

"What is going on here?" Chief Dodds said walking into the station.

"My office, Chief." Benson followed Chief into her office and closed the door. "We think someone is setting up Gwen."

"Isn't FBI supposed to be handling this."

"They are. They found that someone planted the anonymous email to make it look like Gwen was going rogue."

"Any ideas who?"

"At this moment, no."

"Not good Lieutenant. Better find out who and soon." Chief walked out of her office and passed the bullpen with Benson following him.

"Liv. I might have something here." Rollins peeped up.

"Yes." Benson turned her head to Rollins.

"A camera outside of the apartment shows someone standing there. Just watching the apartment."

"Any idea who?" Benson leaned in closer to the computer.

"No clue. I can have TARU clean up the image, but I don't think it'll help. All we know is someone was stalking her."

Benson took a deep breath. "Pull every single undercover job she's done. Going back to white collar. It's someone who knows her. Go through prison records, the registry, and any connections to hit men. I'm calling Barba for a warrant to pull the cameras at the jail."

"Yes, Lieu." Carisi replied.

"I wonder how Gwen is holding up." Rollins said aloud.

"She's tough. If something happens, she'll fight her way through it." Fin responded. 

***

"Stacey, would you mind telling us a little about yourself." The therapist asked Gwen aka Stacey.

"I'm Stacey Langly, but call me Lil' slugger. I'm 36. I was born in Burlington, Vermont. I'm a recovering drug addict. My husband also likes to beat the shit out of me for fun."

"Can you tell us more about that? Everything we share in this group session is kept private."

"Well, I met him about 5 years ago. We got married after a year of dating. He seemed like Prince Charming. It all began when I spilled a drop of hummus on his favorite shirt. He uh slapped me. I cried and some of my tears got on his shoes. He slapped me again. Later that night, he told me that I was completely useless and left. After an hour he came back with flowers and said he was sorry. I forgave him. I loved him." She started to cry. " It went from slapping to punching then one night he pushed me down a flight of stairs and kicked me in the gut repeatedly. I called the police, but he told them it was mistake. He then stabbed me in the stomach which then led to me getting a hysterectomy. I'll never be able to have my own blood children because of him."

"What made you take the first steps to leaving?"

"I walked in on him rapping my baby cousin. I called the police and they arrested him. I don't know how he made bail, but he did. I'm scared to go home. I don't know what he'll do."

"Any one like to say anything?"

"I would. If that's okay?" A timid woman raised her hand. "Hi, I'm Cheryl. My brother hit his girlfriend like that. Your feelings are 100% valid."

"Cheryl, tell Stacey why you're here?"

"Sure. I um killed my brother. He was hitting his girlfriend and I shot him. It was all self defense. I'm currently on probation and I'm involved in AA and another group for former drug addicts. It's part of my probation. I do understand your experience. It's good you're here."

"Thank you, Cheryl." Gwen said to her.

"Any one else." The therapist asked.

"Nina. But you can call me NeNe. My mom used to get slapped around by my father. I ran away from home. I've been here for almost a year and I check missing persons to see if they even care where I went. They don't."

"What happened to your folks?" Gwen asked her.

"My mom is in jail for prostitution and my father vanished after her arrest."

"Do you miss them?"

"No."

"What made you wanna leave?"

"My dad hit me. He almost broke my nose. I couldn't take it anymore. So I packed a bag and left. Never looked back."

"I think that's enough for today. So tomorrow we're gonna talk about how to rebuild trust and what made it break in the first place. I hope you feel welcomed here, Stacey. We're a family. We look out for each other here. This place is one for protection." The therapist said before packing up her belongings.

The other girls slowly started to walk out of the room when Cheryl stopped Gwen. "Hey. Looks like we're gonna be bunk mates. That's exciting right? I promise I don't snore or anything." 

"I snore. I hope that's okay."

Cheryl smiled and nodded before walking out of the room.

"Stacey, one more thing." The therapist handed Gwen a journal. "Everyone has one. You can write anything in this, on one condition that you write every night before bed. Does that work for you?"

"Yeah, sure." Gwen nodded and smiled while holding the brown leather journal in her hand. 


	5. Chapter 5

"Hey, Dad. I haven't heard anything. How's it going there? Uh huh. Yeah I'm okay. I'm boarding a plane tomorrow night. Okay, dad. Bye." Mike said reluctantly into his phone.

"Any news." Ryan asked him.

"At this moment, no." Mike said shaking his head. "I really miss her."

"You'll be with her soon."

"Yeah. I hope."

"Drinks?"

Mike let out an exhale. "It can't hurt. One drink I guess."

Ryan smiled at Mike and they both headed out of the building. "Oh shoot. I forgot something."

"No worries. I'll come with."

"Dude you're the best."

"Anytime."

They walked back into the building. Ryan led Mike into an open room. 

"What did you forget?" Mike asked before someone with a shovel whacked him on the back of the head.

"Hope we didn't hurt you too bad, Mike." Ryan whispered into his ear. He picked up Mike and sat him on a chair tying him up. "Soon you'll be with Gwen. I promise." Ryan walked out of the room leaving Mike in there.

***

"Have you heard from Mike?" Chief Dodds asked Benson walking into the bullpen.

"No. I have not, why?"

"I was supposed to pick him up at the airport. Ryan told me that Mike went AWOL. Something about him not being able to live without Gwen."

Benson looked at the Chief then back at her squad. "Is this Ryan trustworthy?"

"Yes. He's a good man. Why?"

"Because the FBI got a hit on who hacked Gwen's computer. A Ryan Carlisle hacked into her computer the morning the anonymous email was sent."

"That's impossible."

"Not entirely Chief." Rollins added. "He also interviewed Reggio days before his escape on a case. I've tried to get in contact with his partner, but I'm getting radio silence."

"Chief, we need to track Mike's phone. Hopefully it's on." Benson said calmly to the Chief. 

"I sent him to that training."

"Chief, you had no idea. None of us did. This has been planned for months. Reggio was just the fruit."

"What do you mean the fruit? There's someone higher up involved."

"It's a working theory, but right now we need to focus on finding Mike then getting Gwen out as safely as possible without alerting JTTF that we're extracting her." Benson led Chief to a nearby chair.

"I got a hit on Mike's phone." Carisi said.

"Where is he?" Benson asked walking towards Carisi's desk.

"He's still at Quantico."

"Is there anyone there Chief who can get him out of there safely without anyone finding out."

"You mean send SWAT in?"

"Or Special Forces?"

"I'll make a couple calls." Chief pulled out his phone and started dialing numbers.

"Okay, now we need to get into Ryan's New York apartment."

"We can try." Rollins said.

"We'll need a warrant." Carisi added.

"You know what, I'll go talk to Barba. Oh and Carisi don't let the Chief leave. If anything have him help you if need be." Benson said before walking out of the precinct.

***

"You need a warrant to search the house of a Joint Terrorism Task Force Captain with an amazing jacket? Explain to me why." Barba said sitting on his desk.

"He hacked into Gwen's computer and planted an anonymous email about terrorist activity at the current facility she is undercover in." Benson said.

"I'm a little confused. Walk me through this."

"We got information about Reggio escaping. We were told to send Gwen to the facility she is at by JTTF. They told us that she was looking into the facility for them because of an anonymous email sent to them. They suggested we put her there undercover while we search for Reggio. Now Reggio just happens to appear at this facility within days of us sending her there. There is no way he would know she was there...."

"Unless someone told him. Okay. This is going to get dicey. Do you have any proof Ryan would want to setup Gwen?"

"Tucker told me that Ryan repeatedly asked for Gwen to be transferred to JTTF. Gwen denied his request multiple times."

"Why did she deny it?"

"She told Tucker that Ryan was becoming obsessed with her. Apparently while he was working for white collar they slept together. After that Ryan was transferred to JTTF mysteriously after Gwen reported him for harassment."

"Lovely. Once more her sexual involvement with fellow police officers is going to come up at trial. Thankfully the others fully support her. Any connection to Reggio?"

"Ryan met with Reggio under the name Special Agent before Reggio escaped."

"You got your warrant."

Benson turned around and left Barba's office typing into her phone. 

_got the warrant._

She sent to Carisi.

_going now lieutenant. see you there._

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning: mentions of violence

Mike slowly opened his eyes. "Ow." He whispered to himself. His head began to swirl a little as he tried to examine the room he was in. For a couple of minutes, he opened and closed his eyes to regain some consciousness.

"Special Forces." A man barged through the door frightening Mike.

"Mike?" The man lowered his gun walking towards him. "Are you okay?"

"I don't know." Mike responded.

The man untied Mike and put one of his arms over his shoulder. He took out his cell phone to call for a bus. "I'm gonna get you to a hospital."

"Thank you." Mike said before once more closing his eyes.

***

Benson put on latex gloves before walking into the brownstone Ryan lived in. "What do we got here?"

Rollins was looking through photos, while Fin was opening boxes. "Nothing incriminating so far, Liv." Rollins said to her.

"Lieutenant, I got something." Carisi said motioning for the squad to follow him up the stairs. As the squad walked up the stairs, there was a video on the television.

"What are we looking at here, Carisi?" Benson asked him.

"This is a video of Gwen. I don't know when it happened but, it looks like she wasn't aware he was filming her."

"What color is her hair?"

"It looks like its a bright blonde with pink tips." Carisi stopped the video.

"Liv, she had that hair color when she was undercover for white collar. This must've been years ago." Rollins added.

"He's been following her. Why?"

"This might be why." Fin walked over with a notebook in his hand. "Subject currently following target."

Benson looked over at the notebook. "How long does this go back?" She started flipping through the notebook. She let out a sigh. "He's been following her since college." She closed the book and shook her head.

***

"Okay everyone, lights out." The night guard turned off the lights and locked the patients inside.

"So, Stacey. Tell me about you." Cheryl asked turning her body towards Gwen.

"Like I said in therapy." Gwen began.

"No, like what's your favorite band or movie? How about an actor you've always wanted to meet?"

Gwen giggled at Cheryl's persistence. "Pearl Jam all time favorite. Movie that one is tough. It's a tie between Clueless and Heathers. Actor I've always wanted to meet. Probably Christian Bale."

"Ah so you like rock bands too?"

"Yeah. I've always found solace in bands that use a real drum and guitar."

Cheryl started to laugh. "You're funny! I hope that you find peace and solace in general." She turned over and started to fall asleep.

Gwen laid up staring at the ceiling. "Me too, Cheryl. Me too." She rubbed her tummy lightly trying not to cry. All she could think about was the life she dreamed of. A white picket fence and a powder blue house. Mike changing the babys' diaper while she cooked dinner. A normal life. Her eyes started to close and the thought of her dream life with Mike slowly put her too bed. She reached her hand over to the bed to feel Mike's presence, when another hand held hers. She smiled hoping it was Mike saving her from this life. Her eyes fluttered open.

"Hi, Gwen. We can be together now. No one is in the way of us being happy." Ryan whispered to her.

Gwen opened her mouth trying to scream when Ryan put a cloth over her mouth knocking her out. He threw her over his shoulder. "Hush, my baby. Don't you cry." As he carried Gwen outside of the room, he shot the guard manning the door.

"Thanks for getting Gigi back for me." Reggio said opening the front entrance for Ryan.

"Who said I was getting her back for you." Ryan shot Reggio in the leg.

Reggio fell down in pain. "We had a deal."

"Deal's don't always work." Ryan put Gwen in the back of his car. After fastening her in the backseat, he walked back to Reggio and put the gun in his hand and aimed it at Reggio's temple. "You've been so suicidal with all of this. Gwen shot you and got away then you killed yourself." The gun went off and Ryan got back into his car driving away with Gwen out cold in the back seat.

***

"Mike's at the hospital. Apparently someone hit him in the back of the head. Maybe a knock in the head is something he needs." Chief said to Benson.

"Well at least he's safe." She replied sitting behind her desk.

"Do you have enough to bring in Ryan?"

"We do."

"Liv, we have a problem." Rollins said walking into Benson's office. "Gwen's bunk mate reported her missing. They don't know what happened to her."

Benson stood up. "You and Fin go to the crime scene. Connect with the officers there. Anything else."

"Yeah they found a body outside of the facility. The prints match to Reggio DeAngelo."

"Ryan got her. Lieutenant you have a bigger problem then you thought." Chief said. "I'll call his superiors." He stormed out of Benson's office.

Rollins and Benson locked eyes and shook their heads.

"We'll find him."

"And maybe we'll find Gwen alive."  


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> flashback chapter   
> warning: mentions of sexual assault

_"Now listen, this man has evaded us for years. If we can capture him, then we can find out who his boss is and shut down this whole operation." Captain George Locke said. "Remember to follow at discretion. You have your placement. Let's catch him." He walked in his office._

_"Seems like Locke is a little more irritated today then he normally is." Ryan whispered to Gwen._

_"Hey. He has his moments." She responded._

_"After you and him went undercover, you realize he's been giving you better undercover positions. He's trying to help your career."_

_"Jealous much?"_

_"Only cuz you're the favorite."_

_"I'm the favorite cuz I do my job well."_

_"You're the favorite because you're the best looking girl here."_

_Ryan walked back to his desk to fill out some paperwork. Gwen stood in front of the monitor looking at the person of interest. "I'm gonna catch you."_

_***_

_"Carlisle and DeSantini, you two in place." Captain Locke asked into the mic._

_"Anytime, my love." Gwen replied._

_"I hope you can catch this guy. Maybe those beautiful eyes of yours can do wonders." Ryan chuckled._

_"You're just jealous that I get to be up and personal with him." Gwen smirked._

_The suspect walked into the restaurant. Gwen waited a couple of minutes before entering the same place. "Hi. I have a reservation. Tina?"_

_The woman at the front nodded her head and led her to a table. "Your server will be with you soon."_

_"Thank you." Gwen smiled back at her. The suspect noticed her sitting alone and stood up going over to her table. "Waiting for anyone special?"_

_"My sister, but she always runs late."_

_"Mind if I join you until she gets here. A pretty girl shouldn't be alone in a restaurant like this." He motioned for a server. "Two glasses of Marlow please." The server nodded and went over to the bar. "I hope red is okay."_

_"It's my favorite." She winked back at him._

_"Damn she's good." Captain Locke said over the mic._

_"You're telling me." Ryan sarcastically replied._

_"So what is your name?"_

_"Tina. Tina McGowan. And yourself?"_

_"Chad Landrix."_

_"Chad. Hmm usually guys with that name are gorgeous."_

_"Have I fulfilled that for you?"_

_Gwen giggled. "You certainly are easy on the eyes." The server walked back with the glasses of wine. "Any food?"_

_"Nothing yet." Gwen responded. The server once more nodded and returned to other tables._

_"Do you wanna get out of here? Maybe get something sweet." Chad asked._

_"Let me call my sister and tell her, if that's okay?"  Gwen asked._

_"Please do."_

_Gwen pulled out her phone and dialed Captain Locke's number. "Ugh voicemail." She winked at Chad. "Hey, Nat. Something came up! Call me when you get this so we can reschedule. I met a tall glass of water tonight. Love you. Bye." She clicked end and put the phone in her purse._

_"Tall glass of water, huh?"_

_"I hope that's okay."_

_"You can call me anything as long as it's coming from those beautifully framed lips."_

_Gwen smiled at him. "How kind of you."_

_"She said the magic words. Go. Now." Captain Locke said into the mic._

_"NYPD. Martin Robertson stand up. Hands behind your head." Ryan said into the restaurant._

_"Sorry, Chad." Gwen stood up pointing her gun at him as Ryan handcuffed him._

_"You'll be sorry. You don't know the connections I have."_

_"Read him his rights Detective Carlisle."_

_Ryan led him out of the restaurant into the police car._

_"Wanna celebrate?" He asked Gwen shyly._

_"I guess a drink won't hurt. After all we did catch a serial art thief." Gwen chuckled._

_***_

_Gwen stumbled back to her apartment with Ryan holding her up. "One drink huh?" Ryan laughed._

_"More like too many drinks." Gwen tried to find the key to open up her apartment door. "Thanks for helping me back. Night cap?"_

_Ryan nodded and followed Gwen into her apartment locking the door behind him. "What do you do in your free time?"_

_"Read. Write. Drink. Repeat." She took out two small glasses and a bottle of Vodka._

_"Shots?"_

_"Gwen, why don't I tuck you into bed? Sleep is more important then drinking more." Ryan genuinely said._

_"You're right." She stumbled into her room. When she reached her room, she started to take off her clothes. "Help me unzip, please."_

_Ryan nodded and unzipped her shirt._

_"Stop ogling." Gwen swapped away Ryan's hands._

_"Gwen, I just have wanted to be with you so badly. Are you not attracted to me?"_

_"Ryan. No. It's just were coworkers. I don't really look at you like that."_

_"You slept with our boss. Multiple times. What's wrong with me?"_

_"I'm not interested in you."_

_"No. You're interested in powerful men. Well I can be powerful. I mean the banter we share. You obviously are attracted to me."_

_"We're friends, Ryan. Get out of my apartment."_

_Ryan smacked Gwen across the face. "I love you. Please love me back."_

_Gwen stumbled onto her bed. "Ryan just leave please."_

_"No." He pinned her down onto her bed._

_"Ryan, stop."_

_"You can be with our boss, but not me. We left together. You want me."_

_"No." Gwen began to scream._

_***_

_"Gwen. My office please?" Captain Locke said into the bullpen._

_Gwen looked around at her coworkers and walked into his office. She closed the door behind her. "What's up Captain?"_

_"I received an email from 1PP. You're filing a sexual harassment against this unit?"_

_Gwen took a deep breath. "Not the unit. My partner."_

_Captain Locke sat behind his desk and motioned for Gwen to sit down. "What do you need from me?"_

_"I don't want to talk about it. I just can't work with him anymore."_

_"I can partner you with someone else."_

_"That won't work."_

_There was a silence shared between the two._

_"He's been eyeing Joint Terrorism for a year. I'll transfer him immediately out. I know they are short staffed."_

_Gwen stood up and turned to leave the office. "Thanks Captain."_

_"I'm always here."_

_"Thank you." She left the office and headed back to her desk._

_"Detective Carlisle." Captain Locke said._

_Ryan's head looked over to him. "Yes?"_

_"My office. I have some exciting news for you."_

_Ryan stood up walking into the office smiling._

_Captain Locke shut the door behind them and nodded at Gwen. She smiled back at him and returned to her paperwork._


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning: slight violence, mentions of sexual assault

"How was the flight son?" Chief said meeting Mike outside of the airport.

"It was long." Mike said entering his fathers car. "Thanks for picking me up, dad."

"Anytime. Did the training go well?"

Silence fell between them. 

"Right now, I don't wanna leave SVU. I found a place that I click with."

"Okay."

"Listen, dad. Wait hold on. Did you just say okay?" Mike said shocked.

"I did. Son, you have a lot going on. You don't need any pressure from me. But after this is all figured out, we'll have the career discussion."

"Anything new with Gwen?"

"She's missing."

"She's what? You all were supposed to keep her safe. Going undercover was going to keep her safe. What happened?"

"Son did you have any interaction with Ryan during the training?"

"Yeah why."

"I called his superiors. He wasn't supposed to be there. He's on suspension."

"What did they suspend him for?"

"Possible sexual harassment."

Mike let out a sigh. "And now he has Gwen?"

"He's been following her since college. It's possible that this just is the low hanging fruit. Did Gwen ever tell you about her more high profile cases?"

"No. She always said the less I knew about them the better. It was for my protection."

Once more there was silence in the car.

"Dad, I'm scared for her."

"Don't be. She's very strong. You got lucky with her son. You picked a fighter with a heart of gold."

Mike smiled. "When she comes back, I'm gonna propose. I'm gonna spend the rest of my life with her."

"Finally."

***

Gwen opened her eyes to a familiar face. "Rrryan?"

"Yes that's me." Ryan responded.

"Why are you doing this?"

"Well, you turned me down."

"Revenge? Really?" Gwen hung her head down.

"No, actually I was paid to find you."

"Huh?"

"Ever since you left Massachusetts, I've been following you. Someone wanted to see what their little girl was up to."

"Someone?"

"Yes, Gigi." 

Gwen looked up to see a man in a suit. "Dad?"

"Sweetheart, you have been such a disappointment to me. My smartest child decides to fight the good fight for the other team. I wanted you to take over the family business."

"Why are you doing this?"

"You changed your name. You left a good position in the business. All these years I held it open for you. Hoping my little girl would return to me. That this police business was just a way to defy me or rebel. But the final straw was when I saw who you were dating."

"Dad, please. Let me go."

"I'm sorry, Gigi. I was okay with you dating a superior or another detective but then you pick William Dodds son. I knew that I couldn't stay hidden for long. I was hoping Reggio would get you back to me, I was horrified with what he had done to you. I made sure Ryan got rid of him. A chief's son." He shook his head. "Sweetheart, I thought you knew better. A Sergeant."

"They never knew of my past."

"My dearest, one day they would've and I could not let some Sergeant ruin our family bloodline. I had a dream for you and this family. I'm sorry it had to be this way." He walked behind Ryan and shot him. "And as for Ryan. He raped my baby so he dies as well. Now I will leave that Sergeant alone and everyone you've loved here if you come home to me. I need someone to take over my operation."

"On one condition."

"Yes."

"Let me say goodbye. I need to see him one last time."

He untied Gwen. "Of course. I would never stop you from saying goodbye to the man you've been dating as long as you come home." He hugged Gwen and handed her money. "Catch a cab and go to him. You have 48 hours. Meet me back here. I'm happy you've seen the light." He ushered Gwen out of the door.

She ran towards the street and flagged down a cab. "Take me to Special Victims Unit, please." She took a small recorder out of her shirt and smiled.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> short chapter!

"What do you have?" Mike said walking into the bullpen.

"Mike. You shouldn't be here." Benson replied.

"No. I do."

"Okay, well a security camera has Ryan driving her back into Manhattan. We couldn't see anyone in the back."

Mike hung his head. "Did he kill her?"

"No. He didn't." Gwen said. "Here. You need to hear this." She handed them the recorder. 

***

"Who is this?" Rollins asked after the recording ended.

"My father. Christian DeAngelo." Gwen answered.

"The crime boss?" Carisi said.

"Yep. I left the family business at 16. I became an informant for the police and my uncle found out. He told my dad and before I could face him I left. I haven't seen him for years."

"So he had Ryan trail you all these years?  Why?" Mike asked.

"He wanted to check up on me."

"That's creepy." Fin added.

"I'm the daughter of a high profile crime boss. I always had the suspicion my father was watching me. He always stayed at a distance."

"Why now does he want you to come back?' Mike interjected.

"Because of you."

"Excuse me?"

"All I could get was it has something to do with your father. He gave me 48 hours to meet him."

"And you're here?"

"I am. I want you all to catch him. FBI should be looped in." Gwen sat down at Mikes' desk. 

"Where are you gonna stay?" Mike asked. "You can't come back to the apartment."

"I was gonna stay in the bunk room." She replied.

"You're gonna need protective detail." He sat on the desk.

"Do I?" She said looking through a file. "I guess I'll have to ask a certain Sergeant who kept me safe the first time."

"I think he'll say yes." 

Gwen and Mike locked eyes smiling at each other. 

"Oh will you two get a room already?" Carisi joked.

Gwen smiled and looked away. Mike reached over and kissed her cheek. "Damn did I miss that smile."

"I missed yours too."


	10. Chapter 10

"Christian DeAngelo. The head of the DeAngelo crime family. That's Gwen's father." Barba stated.

"Her birth name is Guiliana "Gigi" DeAngelo. When she was 9, she was a runner for the family. She'd stand outside and watch people and if someone looked like an agent she'd tell her dad. Apparently they have her on file. She was dubbed the smartest DeAngelo because she could spot a cop a mile away." Benson replied.

"Wow. Does FBI know?" 

"Yeah. She had sent them information about her father when she enrolled into college."

"So she became a CI?"

"Yep. Just like she told us."

"Where is she now?"

"Back at the precinct. Mike is with her."

"Now what is the connection between her father and Chief Dodds?" Barba asked sitting down behind his desk.

"Not sure yet. Still looking."

"How much longer does Gwen have?"

"24 hours till she goes back to her father." 

"There's enough to arrest her father. He's in New York now on stalking and kidnapping charges. Are we sure he's gonna be there?"

"We'll send Gwen in first and then arrest him. Make it seem like we found her."

Barba started to shake his head. "This man is smart. He'll know it's a set up."

"Or we can just go in without her?"

"I would do that. Gwen's safety needs to come first."

Barba and Benson locked eyes. 

"Mike isn't gonna like any of this."

"I know. It's for the best." Barba picked up his phone. "Hello. This is ADA Barba. I'd like to speak with Special Agent Turner."

***

"You know the shower was kinda cold." Gwen giggled putting on a towel.

"I know we have warmer water in the apartment, but you staying here is better. A place full of cops seems like your fathers worst nightmare." Mike responded from outside of the bathroom.

Gwen left the bathroom smiling. "Yeah. He never liked cops."

"So how did a mob bosses daughter become a detective?" Mike asked following Gwen into the locker room.

"Well, I always found police officers interesting. As a kid, I never understood why they were always around my family. There was actually one cop that I became close with. He was the lead detective on my fathers' case. He always gave me candy or coloring books." Gwen stopped somberly.

"What happened to him?"

"My dad's henchmen had him killed. I begged my dad to bring me to the funeral. Every year on the anniversary of his death, I'd lay down a pocket coloring book on his grave. I was very upset because I thought he was my friend. When I was 13, his wife caught me."

"How'd she react?"

"She was mad at first, but then she saw I was the person laying down coloring books on her late husbands grave. She gave me a hug and told me she was sorry that I lived with a family that was okay with violence. I kept in touch with the family. When my mom was going through her drug problems, I sent the cops family money whenever I could. I felt bad for what my father had done. I was determined to leave.

"That's when you gave the police evidence."

"I walked into the police department with a box. They arrested most of the crime family. However the chiefs and my father escaped. From then on, I would no longer be safe in Massachusetts."

"So you applied to college in New York..."

"And never looked back."

"Until now."

The locker room became silent. "Okay. I'm ready to take a nap. Wanna snuggle?" Gwen finally said.

"Yeah. I would love that." Mike opened the locker room door for Gwen.

***

"How you feeling?" Carisi asked Gwen.

"A little better. I needed a shower."

"Mike didn't join you?"

"She wouldn't let me." Mike snickered.

"I needed my own personal bubble for a second." Gwen laughed back.

"Hey! I missed your laugh." Rollins smiled.

"I appreciate that." 

"Gwen, I knew you were tough, but you're a gangsta." Fin added.

"I really missed being around all of you. Thanks for the support."

"Hey that's what we're here for!" Carisi said.

"You've had a rough day, sweetie." Mike said before kissing Gwen's temple.

"He wants some alone time. See you all in a couple of hours." Gwen followed behind Mike into the bunk room. He led her to the furthest bed.

"Um why over here?" Gwen asked him, puzzled.

"I want to keep you safe. Rest okay?" Gwen laid down and Mike crawled up behind her. "If anyone has to get to you, they'll get to me first."

Gwen turned facing him. "You're my hero."

Mike looked down then met her eyes. "No, you're my hero. We've been through so much. I just hope after all of this we can go to Disney."

"The happiest place on Earth."

"Is when I'm with you, Gwen. I love you."

"Forever and always, lover." She closed her eyes and rested her head against Mike's chest. For once everything seemed perfect in that moment. 

Mike's eyes slowly closed and he held onto Gwen tightly never wanting to leave her side again. A smile formed on his face. 

"Hey, Gwen we..." Benson opened the door only to find Mike and Gwen sleeping soundly.

"Leave them be for now. They have been through hell and back. Right now we just need to let them stay here. She's safe." Barba whispered.

Benson let out a sigh and closed the door. 

"This is probably the last time Mike will see her. Let's give them that final moment of solace and peace." 

Benson nodded her head and followed Barba into the bullpen shaking her head. 


	11. Chapter 11

"What's the plan Lieutenant?" Carisi asked putting on a bulletproof vest.

"We're gonna cover all four entrances of the building. He'll be waiting for Gwen to return." Benson answered.

The rest of the squad put on their vests. 

"Is Dodds coming?" Rollins asked.

"No. We need someone with Gwen just in case." Benson said. "We're ready. Let's go. Promise you'll wear your vests and be safe."

***

"We have the building surrounded. Come out with your hands up." The SWAT captain loudly said.

"Let's go in." Benson said pulling her weapon. She led Fin, Carisi, and Rollins into the building where a note was left on a chair. 

"It's Ryan." Rollins said before going over to check his pulse. "He's gone."

"What does it say, Lieu?" Carisi asked.

Benson took a deep breath before saying, "I knew you would never come back. I'm sorry Gigi that it now has to come to this. You have betrayed your own flesh and blood. I hope you can live with the consequences. I love you my sweet, but I can not believe my favorite child would disappoint me this much. D."

"That doesn't sound good." Carisi said.

"No. It does not." Benson replied. "Check the place." She said out loud.

"I'll call a bus for Ryan." Rollins said before stepping out of the room. Carisi followed her.

"Liv. You okay?" Fin asked gently.

"No. We need to move Gwen." Benson answered.

"She's in a precinct with Dodds. She'll be fine." 

"That's not what I meant."

Benson and Fin exchanged looks.

"I guess that's for the best." Fin patted Benson on the shoulder before leaving the room.

***

Gwen stood in Benson's office in shock. "I'm so sorry. I didn't know that it would come to this."

"Gwen, is there any place in New York your dad would go?" Benson asked.

"I honestly don't know how much help I'll be." She began to cry.

"Lieutenant." Mike interrupted.

"Go back to the bunk room." Mike and Gwen nodded as they walked back to the bunk room.

Benson began to shake her head.

"Liv, we got something you need to see." Rollins said.

Benson nodded her head and followed Rollins into the bullpen. "What do you got?"

"We found a connection between the Chief and Gwen's father." Rollins began. "He arrested one of the DeAngelo crime family chiefs. Then turned him into a state witness."

"Anything else?"

"The chief turned witness was murdered before Christian was arrested. They had no other evidence to corroborate Gwen's testimony. So the case never made it to court. We also found this." Rollins pressed play on a video.

_"I'm Captain William Dodds. A fellow officer under my command has been mercilessly murdered. We believe that he was killed because he was investigating the notorious DeAngelo crime family. They have not only taken countless lives, but now the life of a detective and a close friend. We are going to investigate this fully and charge everyone involved. To the public, please be vigilant. If you see something, please report it to the tip line on the bottom of the screen. Thank you."_

The squad was silent for a couple of minutes. "Yes I have had my grievances with the DeAngelo family. I just never knew that my son would be involved with the daughter of one of the most dangerous men I have dealt with in my history of being a police officer." Chief Dodds said.

Benson turned around looking at him. "Did Barba call you?"

"No. I was looking for my son. I knew where he'd be. The same place Gwen is." He shook his head. "Any updates on where DeAngelo might be?

The squad continued to be silent.

"This happened last time he disappeared. He went off the map. What's the plan?"

"At this moment, we have no place to start." Benson added.

"Send it back to the FBI." Chief Dodds began. "It's not our jurisdiction anymore. We have other cases that need priority." He walked out of the precinct.

"He's right. What are we gonna tell Gwen and Mike?" Carisi asked.

Benson went back to the bunk room. She knocked before entering. "Dodds, I need to speak with you."

Mike opened the door shirtless. "Um. I'm kinda busy. Is it important?"

"When you're done, my office. Thank you." She turned around back to her office.

*** 

"Hey you wanted to talk." Mike said closing the door behind him.

"Go home." Benson said. "Gwen will be fine."

Mike took a breath.

"She's not going anywhere, okay?"

"Okay." Mike left the office and went to say goodbye to Gwen.

"Hey baby." Mike breathlessly said.

"Hello lover." Gwen stood up in his t shirt. "Round two?"

"Benson is sending me home. Get showered and all that jazz. I'll be back later okay."

"Okay."

"I love you Gwen."

"I love you Mike." Mike kissed her and closed the bunk room door.

He walked passed the bullpen waving goodbye to his colleagues.

"Bye Sarge." Carisi.

"See you soon, Dodds." Amanda added.

Benson watched him from her office. She instantly picked up her phone. "Hello, Special Agent Turner. It's Lieutenant Olivia Benson. Yeah I wanted to call about an extraction. Yep. Uh huh. See you soon." She ended the phone call and closed her laptop. She took one final breath before leaving her office.  


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning: mention of suicide and depression

After five hours and a solid nap, Mike walked back into the precinct with a ring in his pocket. He had flowers in his hand and a teddy bear in another. He smiled when he reached the floor Gwen would be on. When he walked into the bullpen, everyone was in a somber mood. "Where's Gwen? I have something to ask her." Mike leaned down and said to Fin.

"Um." Fin looked over at Carisi not knowing what to say.

"Son. Let's go talk in the bunk room." Chief Dodds appeared disheveled. 

Mike nodded and followed his dad. "What's going on?"

"Sit." Mike sat down on one of the bunks. "Mike. I don't know how to tell you this. Gwen. She's dead."

"No. No. You're lying to me." Mike stood up yelling. "She was safe hours ago. What happened?"

"She was found hanging in the shower. She committed suicide."

"No. She wasn't depressed or anything."

"How did you know that?"

Mike looked at his father. "She was not depressed or suicidal."

"Son. We obtained the journal she had when she was at the facility. She wrote in her own words how sad she was. The PTSD she was experiencing because of the loss of her baby. She was under a lot of stress."

"I'm sorry, but I don't believe you."

"This was not something I wanted to tell you, but you needed to know." Chief handed Mike the journal. "Open it to page 15."

Mike dropped the flowers and teddy bear and frantically found page 15. 

_Hi Journal._

_This is kinda awkward because I usually never had a diary or journal but here goes. I've been struggling since I found out I could no longer have kids. I feel like such a disappointment and a failure. I also feel like my boyfriend resents me a little because he can never have natural kids with me. I know cuz he hasn't proposed yet. He says he wants to marry me but didn't ask me yet. I think something is wrong with me. I don't think I'm perfect enough for him. I swear this job has taken everything from me; my cousin, future children, and the man I love so much. I just love him. I know when this is all over I'm gonna have to leave him. Just wait one day until he is at work. Pack up everything. Leave him. He deserves someone who won't be in such a dangerous line of work. I'll change my name, my number and everything so he can't find me. He needs to be with someone who isn't me. He says I'm his soulmate, but he's not mine. I' m not destined to be with someone the rest of my life. I'm destined to be alone forever. He'll never accept that, so I have to leave without a word. Although suicide has crossed my mind, I can't do that to him. I love him enough not to do that while he's around. I just hope if I ever decide to do that, he'll understand. I just want all this pain to end. It needs to end. I can't do this anymore. Anyway, writing time is up. Talk Soon. Gwen._

Mike dropped the journal. "Dad. No."

"I'm sorry son." He put his arm around Mike.

"I loved her so much. Why? Why?" Mike fell down to his knees sobbing. 

"Son." Chief knelt down next to his son hugging him. "It'll be okay. She's no longer in pain, Mike. That's whats important."

Mike continued to cry next to the Chief for the next hour.

***

"I feel horrible doing this." Benson said to Barba.

"I do to, but we need to keep her safe. This will hit the papers and since she has a history of depression and suicide attempts it'll be believable. Remember why we're doing this."

"To draw her father out."

"We need to catch him, Liv. She'll never be safe if he's still out there. And neither will Mike. With Gwen dead, Mike will be safe from any harm. We're doing the right thing."

"He's completely destroyed." Benson sat down in her chair. 

"Remember closed casket." Barba picked up his briefcase and walked out of Bensons' office. "Sergeant. I am so sorry for your loss." He said before leaving the precinct.

"How you holding up?" Fin asked him.

"I've had better days." Mike plopped down on his desk taking out the small box in his pocket.

"What's that?" Rollins asked him.

"Gwen's engagement ring." Mike laid his head on his desk once again crying.

"Listen, Gwen was a touch girl. She dealt with a lot in her life. I don't think she'd want you torn apart." Carisi said softly.

"I know." Mike raised his head. "She'd want me to move on and live a happy life. I just can't imagine one without her. Are you sure that she wrote that journal and not someone else?"

"We sent it to the lab. The handwriting is a perfect match for Gwen's. I'm sorry Sarge." Carisi said. 

Mike took the box and put it back into his pocket. 

"We'll be at the wake." Rollins said touching his arm.

"Dodds? My office." Benson said. 

Mike turned around and walked into her office. He closed the door behind him. "I want time off. I want to mourn for her. I also don't want any sympathy."

"Please sit, Mike." She motioned for Mike to sit down.

He sat down and continued. "I need at least three weeks."

"You'll get as much time as you need. Take care of yourself. I thought you would want this." She took a picture frame out of her desk. "Gwen had this everyday on her desk at IAB. Tucker thought you'd want it." 

Mike held the picture frame in his hands. "That was the day she told me she loved me back." Tears slid down his face and landed onto the glass covering the picture. "I just hope she's no longer in pain."

"She was an amazing person with a heart of gold." 

"Thanks for this. It means a lot." Mike stood up and began to leave the office.

"If you need anything, don't hesitate." Benson started.

"I'll see you at the wake." Mike turned back around and walked out of the precinct. He took a deep breath and looked down once more at the picture of him and Gwen. "Thank you for everything, lover." A smile crept onto his face as he hailed for a cab. 


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> final chapter of the series ah!

"Today we celebrate the life of Gwen DeSantini." The pastor began. "Would anyone like to say anything?"

Mike stood up. "Hello everyone. I wrote something down so I wouldn't forget anything. Here it goes. The first time I met Gwen was when she was undercover as a prostitute. She kissed me on the lips and asked me to run her DNA. For about two weeks, I was a joke for kissing a prostitute. After finding out she was another detective, I will say I was completely thrilled. When she took off the ugly wig she wore undercover, my heart skipped a beat. Her beautiful auburn locks landed right above her lower back. But my favorite thing about her was the twinkle in her eyes when she saw me. We always joked that we were destined to be together because eyes don't twinkle like for just anyone. Every morning was a blessing with her." Mike stopped for second trying not to cry. "Anyway, I loved her deeply and fully. Everything she stood for and everyone she fought for. The confidence and passion she had was intoxicating. She made every day special. Even when we fought, I knew we would work through it. We always found a way to work out anything. So Gwen here's another thing we'll have to work out. You may no longer be by my side, but you'll always have a place in my heart and you'll always have a piece of my soul with you. I always said you were my soulmate and you were. You were the love of my life, my everything, my white picket fence and powder blue house and now my guardian angel. I hope that wherever you are, you're looking down on me and protecting me everyday. One day we'll be reunited. Until then forever and always, lover." Mike closed the paper and put it back into his suit pocket. He turned around and kissed the coffin. He walked back to his seat with tear drops flowing from his eyes. 

***

When the ceremony came to an end, Benson approached Mike. "That was beautiful."

"Gwen was the one who could write something beautifully. I guess it rubbed off on me." Mike said.

"My mom made this for you." Carisi handed Mike a tray of lasagna.

"Thank you." He took the tray and placed on the seat behind him. "I really appreciate all the kindness you guys are showing. It's a breath of fresh air."

"Well, you're going through a lot. You need all the support you can get." Rollins added.

Mike smiled at his co workers in front of him. 

"Excuse me. I need to speak with a Sergeant Michael Dodds." A man in a black suit asked.

Mike turned around asking, "And you are?"

The man showed him his badge.

"I'll be right back." He followed the man outside of the funeral room and in the hallway. "What is your business here?"

"Come to this location at midnight tonight. Come alone and stay clear of any major bridges or tunnels. Understood?" The man handed Mike a piece of paper with an address. He nodded his head and the man left through the back door. Mike walked back to the funeral room. 

"What was that about?" Carisi asked.

"Just a friend saying condolences." Mike responded.

"Makes sense. Your father has a lot of friends." Amanda joked. 

"Wanna get drinks with us?" Fin asked.

"I'm gonna just go back to my apartment and start packing her stuff. I'm gonna put her stuff in storage. I have a lot to go through."

"Need any help?" Benson asked.

"Nah. I wanna part with her alone. It's just something I need to do. On my own."

"Understandable. If you need anything, give us a call." Benson said.

The squad said their goodbyes and walked out of the room.

"You'll think he'll be okay?" Carisi asked Benson.

"I think it will take time." Benson said before heading into her car. 

"We just gotta be there for him." Rollins said to Carisi before walking away with Fin to the bar. 

"Yeah. Of course." Carisi nodded then hailed a cab. 

***

Chief Dodds knocked onto Mike's door holding some flowers. "Son?"

"One sec, dad." Mike opened the door in sweats and in a sweater. "Thanks." He took the flowers and put them on the table.

"How's packing going?"

"It's a process. Sometimes I laugh at the memories then I cry. It's coming in waves. The hardest part was packing the scrapbooks."

"She crafted?"

"Yeah I know." Mike chuckled. 

Chief laughed with him then noticed something on the closet floor. "What's this?" He picked up a knitted onesie.

Mike turned around and put down the box he was holding. "I've never see that before." 

"It looks like she made it for a baby. Did you guys ever find out the gender?"

"Why you ask?"

Chief picked up a letter. "It says the gender was a boy. She never showed you this Mike?"

"No." Mike sat on the bed beginning to cry. 

"Mike, did she show you this?" Chief sat next to Mike and showed him another letter.

"A dog?" He looked up at his father. 

"The dog's name is Sarge. She adopted a dog without telling you." 

"I guess so." Mike started to smile. "She really is something." He stood up and finished packing. "I'll get the dog when I'm done here. Thanks for coming by dad."

"Anytime, son. Call me okay?" Chief smiled and then left the apartment.

"Damn, do I love you." Mike said out loud. His smile quickly faded when he received silence in return. 

***

Mike looked down at his watch. "11:59 pm." He looked around the swampy area worried this was a set up. All of a sudden a black van pulled up next to the water.

The same agent who approached Mike walked out of the van. "Sergeant Dodds. What you are about to witness can never be discussed or talked about. This is a hypothetical thing. Swear you will never tell anyone of this."

"I swear. Can you tell me what this all about?" Mike asked.

The man nodded his head and opened the sliding door of the van. 

Mike's mouth opened. "Gwen." He wrapped his arms around her waist. He started crying. "I thought I lost you. What's going on?"

"I can't stay for too long. I had to die in order to keep you safe. They haven't found my father yet."

"Witness Protection? I'll never see you again."

"I'm sorry. I had to protect you." Gwen kissed him. "I love you so much."

"But the journal?"

"I never meant any of that. I wrote that later on. You are my soul mate. Promise me something Mike."

"Anything." He held her face in his hands.

"Do not wait for me. Move on. Meet a nice girl and live happily ever after."

"Gwen.."

"Mike. This is what's best."

"Okay. I promise. I'll never forget you." He ran his fingers through her newly dyed hair. "Black hair huh?"

"Yeah." She laughed through the tears. "I'm a dark haired beauty."

"I love you so much."

"I love you too, Mike." She kissed Mike one last time.

"Before you go, here." Mike took the ring out of his pocket. "Forever yours."

"Forever yours." Gwen slipped the ring on her finger. "I'll only be allowed to wear this on a chain, but whenever I look down. I'll think of you."

"Time to go." The man led Gwen back into the van. "Wait 20 minutes before leaving this area." The man got into the driver's seat. 

Mike watched the van driving away. He reached into his jacket pocket. He pulled out a small locket on a chain. He opened up the locket.

_To my soulmate, Mike Dodds. One day._

On the other side was a picture of Mike and Gwen laying in bed, wearing green facial masks, and pjs. Mike put the locket around his neck. He put his hand on his heart. "One day we'll meet again." He whispered to himself. He waited 20 minutes before starting up his car.

 Gwen examined the ring Mike had given her. On the inside of the band it said. 

 _Lover, we'll be together forever._ Gwen slipped the ring back on. "One day we'll be meet again." She whispered to herself as she looked out the window smiling.

Mike put his car in drive smiling out the window. He put his foot on the gas pedal and drove away from the swamp. He turned on his radio, bobbing his head to "Just Breathe" by Pearl Jam. 

"Would you mind turning this up?" Gwen said to the man driving the van. 

"What is it?" He asked her.

"My wedding song, Just Breathe by Pearl Jam." She replied. 

 


End file.
